The title says it all.
I feel so stupid.
I feel like the most stupid person on earth.
I feel so ugly.
I feel so negative.I'm currently a computer engineering student. I was supposed to finish my course a year ago. But because of my stupidity and incompetence, I've been held back for two years. Every time someone asks me, I blame my school, its rules and all, but deep inside I blame no one but myself. I really feel so stupid, so stupid I want to die.
I have never felt so stupid and useless in my life. I feel like garbage.
I know, I'm complaining too much and that I shouldn't but I can't help it. Even my parents say that I'm stupid, how could I possibly think that I'm not when even the persons who're supposed to think that I'm good, says that? It hurts, it really hurts.
Now, I failed, 2 subjects again. All in all I have already failed 8 subjects. It's a shame, I'm a shame. I feel like I'm a good for nothing person. I feel like even if I die, no tear is even worth crying. I feel horrible.
Yes, I want to be consoled. But I know, I know that I don't deserve that for my stupidity is not something that can be mended. It is not something that can be changed. All my life I believed that I'm not stupid, that I excel above some people, but right now I feel lower than rats. I feel that my ideas are useless.
Even if many of my classmates are at the same position as I am, I cannot put us at the same situation. They have something more than what I have, they have this certain edge. But I on the other hand can only self pity.
I try I really do. I study, and I study hard but I really don't know why I just couldn't get it.
Is this a punishment?
Do I have to realize something for this to end?
Am I just that plain stupid?
It hurts. It hurts more than dying. It feels like my heart is being shredded.
It hurts so much that even when I'm at a public place, I can't help to cry, I can't help but to self pity, I can't help but to hate myself.
I really don't know what to do. Again, I have failed my parents, I have shamed and disappointed them.
I really am a good for nothing and I really wanna DIE.
I want all of this hurt to END.
Can I just STOP?
The sadness suffocates me, and blinds me from everything good around me, why?
