Talking Thoughts

My awkward behaviors/traits are secrets to most of the people who assume that they know me. In my hope of changing myself for the better I have composed this post, so that someday I may boast to myself that I no longer do or no longer am the awkward person I once know, I HOPE. ;)

But if ten years have passed and none of this unlikable behaviors fade from my system, I think I have to accept my uniqueness and people who would like to know me better might just have to deal with it, right? ^_^


- Close relatives and friends that wanted to contribute to my shame gave me weird and and funny nicknames. Though even after a hundred years this could't be erased from my history I have still included it because it is still a part of me, somehow. ( I provided bits of explanation for each so that you can somehow understand ) :

dice - mama gave this to me!yes, it's not funny but people say it's weird 'cause it's not at all related to my name, Desiree, and they can't accept the explanation that Desiree if you pronounce it in a very slang manner, you'll end up with dice. haha XD

tiliktilik - this is the MOST embarrassing of all the nicknames. my grandlolo gave this to me. Again it's related to Desiree. I swear! Somehow if you play with my name you will come to a point where you would realize that Desiree and tiliktilik sound alike. HAHAHAHA ;P

titay - now this. Well it came from the word desire, where my name also came from. Yes, you'll have to play with the word also in order to understand my explanation.

secret - This is because of my secret. Well my secret is still a secret that I won't share, perhaps few more years and I shall have the courage at kapal ng mukha para mai-share yun. Again it's from my loving relatives.

dags - oooooohhhh. No one calls me that now. That's from elementary. I have very ugly teeth during elementary so my classmates call me that. T-T

- Done with the names. Next is my awkward reactions to thing:

(done for now, i'll continue someday)

I'm done. I've decided to let go of this anger and forgive. :)

It's been so long that I have been keeping this anger and hurt inside me. Though I am fully aware that it brings me no good I still chose to keep it. But now, I have gathered all the strength to let it go.

It's not easy. I have been keeping this anger for too long. Let's just say that it has embedded it's venom into the most inner part of my system. In order to sweep all of it from my life it will surely take time. And now, I am very willing to start the cleansing process. Everyone, all of us, are sure to have done some wrongs in our lives. Long as we know to repent and change for the better we are sure to be forgiven.

Today I shall start the process to forgive all the people that has caused me to be this fearful being that I am. :)

GODSPEED. <3

It is now raining. I don't know why, but every time the rain pours, my emotions want to break out.
Listening to Cristina Aguilera's HURT brings back memories. Memories, I once wish I never had.
"Nagtatanim ako ng sama ng loob". I don't forgive easily and I never forget the wrongs that people did to me.
I have a very dark past. A past I once wished never occurred. But, what can I do? They say these sad, sad memories and experiences will make us a better and stronger individual. But, why do I feel so weak?
I now realize that I blame too may individuals.
I am a person too weak too move on. Too weak to make my past as an inspiration. Instead, I let them be a burden that holds me from becoming the person I dreamed to be.
I am not able to open my heart to love. True, many things holds me from experiencing heavenly things such as love.


I am not reluctant to admit that I fear regrets. I do.
I fear regrets and rejections too much that I am not able to do things that will make me happy.

I once thought that I was strong. Oh boy, was I so wrong!


Now, I fear regrets even more. But unlike what I used to be, I shall use this fear to make me stronger. I will now slowly pave my way into forgiving the people whom I think did me wrong. This time, for real.

To myself, I shall inform you if i have been victorious.
'Till then be STRONG.

Keep Loving and don't be afraid that your love won't be reciprocated. Just love and love will lead you the way. :)