Despondency is the depression of the spirits from loss of hope, confidence, or courage; dejection.
Things happen and eventually, this feeling comes around every now and then.
A college student, not intelligent but certainly not a lout(for if she is, how come she was able to enter college?), at least, 'till this very moment from her own perspective. But the time has come that she accepts that everything she knew can't be always true.'Till now, being an optimist was pretty easy. But, everything positive seems to be a dream for her at this point of her life. She, who can never fall asleep again.
Perhaps she has not given her all. But her best was somehow at its most.
So why?
Its so frustrating.
Stupidity can cause a broken heart.
Everyone's pretty much disappointed. Everyone around her has been turned down.
The feeling of guilt is more than the heart can ever handle. This sadness is extremely consuming any goodness that can ever be found inside of her.
Why blame parents?
Why blame classmates?
Why blame other people?
The love of the people around her that leads to pointing fingers on whether who's fault this mistake is, adds up to the storm in her heart.
Please blame only the person at fault.
Please stop blaming anyone else.
This stupidity. This mistake and idiocy is the sole responsibility of one person.
It's my fault.
My stupidity and carelessness.
My idiocy and helplessness.
The hopeless person you know is the only one to blame.
It's heart breaking, accepting all the lectures and stuffs. But, hearing people I love, blame each other for my fault is like tearing my heart apart.
I can never know when I can revive my soul again.
I loved myself, once.
But now, there's nothing left in me but disappointments, sadness, and guilt.
My sorry is certainly not enough to mend broken expectations.
I know, but I can't do anything else.
My existence has turned out to be a useless waste.
I don't feel like living anymore. I don't feel like I deserve anything anymore. My emotions are down to the ground.
Hiding this is too much.
But the people that I love can not be worried anymore. They're disappointments shouldn't be added with sadness and worries.
I feel like i'm melting. This depression makes me tired to live and continue life. I wish I could die. I know wishing that the end would come at this point is something pitiful. But I can't take anymore sadness than this. I'm so down and I wanna breakdown. I wanna disappear and be forgotten. I don't want to ruin anymore expectations.
I will accept any criticism that anyone, even those whom I don't know, will give. Perhaps that's what I deserve. I'm so tired. I've gone tired of smiling. Pretending that everything is alright. Believing that there can still be hope, that everything will be alright. These are just lies, or perhaps true only for those who aren't as stupid as me.
