I'm tired of feeling this.
I'm hating this feeling.
Slowly, it has been consuming all the Love that I have left.
A bit more, there won't be any love left to offer to anybody.
All men are alike, no one can be trusted.
I have already said that I have forgiven my father for all the hurts that he has made us felt.
I do, I really do.
But it's too unfair. He keeps on doing the same mistake.
I do know that I have no right to talk about my father this way.
I have no right to disrespect him no matter what he has done.
And, I'm not. I'm a good-for-nothing child. So never will I have the idea of doing so.
I am not hating my father. No, I cannot do that either.
It's just that I'M CONFUSED.
I'm really confused right now.
If there's one thing I hate my father for it is that, he made my mother a paranoid.
She always worries. Always making those speculations. She's always thinking bad of my father. I, once, protected my father from those baseless accusations of my mother but, ever since I have proved myself wrong, I stopped.
I have always thought that my father loved us and we loved him enough for him to be faithful to my mum, to our family. But then I saw proof that all of that was a big LIE. I saw his pictures with another girl. From that day onward, I believed everything my mother suspected.
Is that bad?
Am I being too unfair?
But I have already gave him a thousand chances.
Is he thinking that his fault is to my mother only?
Is he not thinking of how we're going to feel because of what he's doing?
I know it's bad, but I have put my father on top of all men.
For me no one, no man, can ever be more than my father.
If I look at my father that way, then I guess I have no right to enter any relationship at all. I'll only get my heart more broken and will only break innocent hearts.
Am I going to burn in hell for this?
I wish, I have always wished that someone could someday prove me wrong. Until then I have to endure this hurt that's consuming all of me. May that someone come before I can bare it no more, I really hope so.
